A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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