..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
