how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
