So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
