Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
