Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
