you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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