Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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