Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
