woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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