He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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