You're completely useless in the revolution.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
