well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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