i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize