strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
