I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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