I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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