Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize