I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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