we made out on top of his cat.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
