Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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