Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
