I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My feet surprised me
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