i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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