Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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