Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
