She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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