so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
