His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
