Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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