he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize