oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She bit a glass in half.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
