I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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