bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
