I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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