What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
