I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We just shotgunned beers for America
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
