come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
