We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
