Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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