your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
