Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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