Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
