So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize