I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Text me some of your sweat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
