Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
