We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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