I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She bit a glass in half.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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