My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
