just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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