I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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