I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
