I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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