9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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