What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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