I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
