I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
