4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
