So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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