is your mom at the bar?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
