bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
