U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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