i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
