I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize