chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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