I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
