Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You can't special order awesome
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
