don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
