Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
