I'm really into asian looking animals
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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