Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
why didn't you poke me back
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
