I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
