I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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