I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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