he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
