drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize