He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
there is glitter all over my balls
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
