you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
