Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
