i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
