no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize