i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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