my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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