my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
