i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Houston, we have a squirter
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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