Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
