so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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