You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
