Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
