Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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