I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
