I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
