get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
