i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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