The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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