Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
