when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
