she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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