Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
