I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
