Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
