tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
