I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need to calm my uterus...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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