SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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