Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
