i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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