I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you inspire me to be a worse person
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
